So here's the thing, my 2nd year exams got over on August 2, i was excited as i am getting this vacation of doing nothing after a long time..
I wanted to meet new people, have conversations, since i am lonely stricken in my rl, due to a shattered college life lol..
So i posted on reddit, needafriend sub, where i posted it was not so interesting post, so not many people messaged me.. and there was this guy irrespective of how awful my post was he messaged me, it was a good convo, i didn't text him the next day, hoping that he would initiate..
Well it was cool, he did.. and finally we decided to add each other on discord.. it went smoothly... i thought he was smart, and cool. And little but serious lol..
Btw he was from Netherlands.. i wasn't bothered about his looks much. But he sounded cool..and logical. He was reader though.
So in discord..he was quite adamant even though i said no several times, he wanted to do voice chat, i have severe social anxiety and i am shy so we ended up him voicing and me replying by texts...
But even though i was scared i actually enjoyed it tbh, i mean wow i fell for his voice, it was manly and pretty i even lovedd his chuckle.. it was soo cute
I just told him, I'm not a simp. But i loved your chuckles.. haha he again chuckled..
Well.. i was actually scared whether i was boring him or not.. anyways he wanted to hear my voice so i ended up just saying his name for like 5 seconds. I was terrified too because my family was nextdoor..
I actually loved talking him but i couldn't actually express it without being a simp so i never said to him.
I felt comfortable with him so i shared my one good pic with him.. " he said im not simping but you kinda look cute"
I said thanks lol. Idk whatever he actually meant..
He asked me whether i wanted to see him.. i half heartedly said no.. because i still remember how one time a cute guy ruined my life an year back lol.. so i dont want to catch stupid irrational feelings anymore.. so anyways i am glad i stood strong and said no. I would rather have him as a good friend.
So today i was expecting him to text me lol at same time.. idk why yesterday he was very eager and today he seems like lost the enthusiasm to talk to me.. maybe he's bored with me.. well its bad to make assumptions though cuz i haven't put forward much effort either .
So i felt possessive, i thought maybe what if he might have found someone else more interesting.. i mean there's plenty of girls out there.. so so he could get anyone readily..
Anyways out of irrational emotions i felt sad.. and i posted on reddit, a long essay about my sad anxiety.. well idk if he have seen it, but few mins after that's he texted me.. but its very unlikely that he might have actually seen it cuz, probably he wouldn't stalk me, he's not that kind as it seemed. But aftet i said I'm good, he didnt reply me again ;( i was bit worried.
So i just decided to watch a movie, i went for yeh jawani yeh diwani.. i watched it back like 7 or 8 years back.. at that time i was too young who hadn't even experienced a slice of life.. i found the movie boring and didn't got the message..and now as a 21 year old.. oh fucking wow.. i could relate myself to naina in every way lol.. friendless so studied alone in a corner, and being a mbbs student.
Its fucking nice that finally in late 20s she was able to get rid of her anxiety. And she is so confident and smart. I hope such things happen to me too. But ig only if i put forward some effort instead of blaming circumstances.. anything in life happens only if u work for it..
I'm braver than i believe i can :)
Btw i hope i find my bunny too lol. I'd love such a company...
Btw so.. i felt missing out, not doing enough things with my life, not dating, not meeting the cute guy i wanted, or how unfortunate my college life, how awful is my college social friend circle is.., not confident enough to do even a voice chat, i felt awful about it..
So cried, i had this outburst of feelings.. added to that when i saw crazy life of ranbir in that movie or thought of how my nl friend would be talking with someone else.. i felt bad.. i couldn't forget his chuckle and voice lol.. its great but i fucking promised myself i wouldn't catch feelings!! Its my self care. I promise you anagha!! As long as its friends, its good.. only i can control myself
So in the movie when ranbir had a exuberant life whereas naina like me he native city bound, and something she told him id always remember.. you can't always get everything.. thats true. I mean if i had all those crazy or lovely things i wished for my life would be different. I wouldn't be here with my parents or anything.
I mean beyond my amazing parents i dont like anybody else actually..
So i think for my parents now i can adjust with my life, they had done a lot for me.. dad took me to tutions at 5ams, my mom came to pick me up at Tution and many things which i couldn't ever do so selflesly. I wonder how could someone do that..?
Maybe its how real love is...
So if it wasn't for my parents i would have been nothing. I love them and grateful for them. And flaws im slowly working on it. :)))
Anagha is doing great!! Im slowly getting rid of my anxiety, its okay to feel awful sometimes :) start over darling like the brave girl you always were, dont let your self limiting beliefs contrict you!! I believe in you. 😊😊
It's not everything you feel or believe is true! Take time to be more rational.
For instance, i despised nitya after the exam results and disliked her lol, but she even cared and she texted me.. they all respect me..
I mean atleast people who matters to me..
You dont have to be popular to live a life.. what thats supposed to be yours will find its way to you.. you dont have to be beautiful to be happy.
Nobody is 100% rational how you pick yourself after you fall down is what that matters!
ANAGHA got this!! 😊😊🙂🙂
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