Thoughts and hopes! Dream High!

I would no longer... Hide parts of me to be like someone else .. who I'm is who I'm. And she's sooo amazing, smart and confident and she's everything i wanted to be. Superb proud of my baby 🐥

So hey,  i never wanted this shit anyway, so I'm not really surprised. Rather relived that I don't have to go through this shit again :)  I've my life to myself and I hope I do my best and get myself out of here. :)  I'm sure you can do well in inicet nov!  AIR under 1k. You go girl..😊♥️♥️ I'm sure you can do it.  You don't want something you gave half heartedly.  You're much more than that. You can definitely 

Man... It's been a roller coaster tbh... Nov nandhu came and we went to that stalam, as family!  And then when he went back, missed him a lot, was tracking his plane :)  And then in december we went to drop mom, seemingly insignificant moments that matter the most now actually. I had the best time with my dad..  Then it was the beginning of me spending the time with my dad..   Then how this year unfolded was so dramatic... New year being at their house :) it was fine.. And horrible driving school experience, struggling with self esteem, crying days all day.. February biochemistry horrible days.. February when daddy went to Kashmir, march when I started to study and finally and met kozak tula, I don't know but it was really great talking to him... It's funny how we miss something when we lose it, March was all quite fresh I was starting to stay at home, I was doing yoga everyday and it did seem healthy, also reading self help in between.. But see i was very hopef...

See, I was thinking about my life... You know getting into medical college was the big achievement then. Sort of yea. But I was so young child who was seeing the world with big eyes as if everything will be fair and cool. But then faced with reality, tho there were tiny good times. I swear from 2018 September to probably 2023 I never really lived my life. I was been bullied and man I don't know what not, went through truly horrible times.  The lowest most.  Now everyone sees the good built and all well anagha. But there were a different time.  I know I'm not special and everyone goes through something but I can only speak for myself,. Well it was tough, those aimless purposeless days. I don't blame myself. It just was.  But I'm so glad eventually it all turned great :); Especially this one year i got to realise so many things and i grew up into who i want to be at 25 :)  I'd say next month, 26, is gonna be my most secure happiest me :) And regarding losing those...

See the fucking results came. Honestly i don't care. I expected this. so I'm not so surprised.  And this reinforce more that, there's no super man above doing the works or anything, it's what we do.  And luck is a factor, well, that day, it wasn't in my favour.  Honestly anyway I didn't wanted this shit..I always wanted to get out of this. Well, there's a feeling that for the neet ug I was one of the smart kid. :) I still am. Who was in the 98th centile.  And this. But that's okay. We go through stuff and grow right. I mean everything I grew up into and these months grew me up.  And see i learned a lot, at the end of the day, we only have ourselves. And honestly I'm so looking forward to inciet nov. I know I can do it. I mean i worked hard and that should be reflected that day.  For the neet pg honestly in first place I never wanted this shit tbh. I wanna get out of this country is my first priority. And inicet will do that for me. 

I know that day I hurt you so much. Two days of July, I wish I could take it back.. I'm so sorry. It hurts to see you looking like this. I mean just please open up about what's hurting you. I know a broken mirror and hurtful words, we can never take it back, I did say that, but I did apologise, why can't you please let it go .  I think i understand how painful it is someone for whom you were tirelessly working for, days really hurtful things.  Can please stop showing this stubborn side and please open up like you did sometimes.  But I get it, you were so hurt that now you are hiding the hurt and don't want to be vulnerable anymore. Just a self defense mechanism. But it truly hurts to see you like this. I wish instead of writing all this in reddit, I wish I could just say this to your face, I wish you soften up a bit. I mean you did tried , but back then a few months back, I was very much in my own struggles tho I cared about you, i really wasn't able to be soft and ...

Wherever life takes me :)

Going through all the nostalgic posts in reddit made me reminise good old memories tbh. Grew up rich with so many memories. Untill 2018 things were so beautiful!  Tho it totally wasn't ruined mean, got the opportunity to study in best college in my state :) always wanted to be a doctor so it's done. It's fine. You'll meet your tommy somewhere along the line.  Love your parents and your life. And that's all that matters tbh :)  I know we go over broad a lot, we don't need to, we overthink a lot, and stuff. But it's okay :) be child like, we cool :) don't give much second thoughts. I know it's because you've been through some stuff. Nobody knows of. But that's ok. It definitely helped you grow.  And you know what, these times are building you :) And life is not a race. Life is not a race. Just stay close to what makes you happy and essence of you life. And most importantly appreciate your parents :)

Well, now I'm preparing for the exam I'm truly looking forward to... Honestly speaking people who stays by the side are the important ones. For me at the moment the most important is my dad, my mom , my brother and the some important friends I hold close, be it anju, thrayambaka, jeni... I don't really have the time or mental health to spare for any shitters tbh.. I've long past everything I've been and we'll, it's been a few months, I know I used to be friends with that kid. It's been a while that it feels denervated.  I don't feel the need to be there.. Like it's none of my business and my life is the only business of mine :)  And I don't give a fuck tbh. Ipo enik ath oru important person onum alla like really. I'm only concerned about my future.

I know  neet pg is over doesn't mean i should stop. I mean after all i never prepared for it per se. So why does something that i never prepared for, should stop me :)  Just take a break of two or three days.. that's it, after that you're on your track because I know Anagha can do better :) So don't worry about it. You got this cutie.. Target 🎯 inicet or more jimper.

It's one days from my neet pg exam and ... One thing I know is despite the shit, I've given my best and now I don't care. I have given my best... And one thing I know is...nmy dad and mom. Ain't I luckiest in the world. Especially my dad.  Past six months I will cherish that always in my heart. Like really. It really helps me find myself.. I mean I'm in love with this girl. Truly and truly. I don't even have to fake being in love with me.. I know there are parts of her I'm trying heal and be there for her  But most of all. I love her.  And my dad and mom..uts been hard showing them how much I love them. I really do... I really do. I know there are things that came along the bad dream of past but finally I got my peace and my loving ones :)  Couldn't be more grateful ) And the beautiful people along the way... Bjorn, thrayambaka, anju,... These people :)  And reddit for helping me find myself. Thank you..thank you.. And tommy, I don't even know if it...