Thoughts and hopes! Dream High!

Fuck it buddy, things got so rough now. Past week was amazing  But yeah for reason I don't know why but yeah it corresponds with my mother, after that day onwards shit started to fall apart or idk if it's because anything else.  But yeh motivation has been down lately and struggling so hard to survive.  Fuck it. My life fuck it.  I don't know why I'm even doing this, because I don't wanna be a failure.. honestly it feels like i don't even wanna be here. I hate shit load people around here. But yeah idk. Perhaps maybe because all day I'm sitting all day at home.  Well I'm glad plast 2.3 months has been not like this, but I was deeply interested in what I did and was sane. I hope i retruve that girl back, because with her this is so hard to go forward any longer. Especially because of the conflicting thoughts and views. Well things wasn't like this a month back especially when I had a lot to finish yet I was motivated now I finished 99% of all of that ...

Hey there kutta!! We had an amazing day today. You were so smartie pants today. We did smartly studied hematology also some part of general pathology. Amazing I'm superb proud that how your brain grasped that without a problem  All thanks to God :) cuz last week day, i was actually struggling and who's greater than lord nobody. He saw me crying in sofa, literally with that wrenching heart, he saw me and the very next day was my inicet exam, honestly I wasn't that prepared, and was walking with poor self esteem since I was feeling so anxious about how my preparation wasn't upto mark and stuff, but exam went smoothly, it really built my confidence, plus I wasn't weak as I thought, that were all familiar questions, not just that I was doing better than i thought of myself, even tho I might not have scored the best, but honestly i felt glad, to relaise that i wasn't doing bad prep per se  Every struggle, each hour, each min I worked really mattered, and it didn'...

Eda, i couldn't patunila. Atha i decided to text. Sheirkum, last one two months enth happy ayi iruna njana. But sudden dip and anxiety, ee oru crucial time il.. I just wish I could stop this i can't afford to waste this precious time. Before this happened I was very self aware and I knew my mind and how to get of thoughts, ithipo ela control poye pole und..I just can't control my mind. Lots of fears also, if i close my eyes intrusive thoughts and scary feelings oke varum. Nalla oru shit phase aya pole und. How little someone's tiny actions lead to severe consequences in someone's life...  Mune anel enik ariyam ayirneda like irrational thoughts varum and it doesn't matter enoke. But now entho it's so patunila. Njan enth Cheyana ee oru crucial time il.  Main presham entha en chodicha an already worried ayit irika ayirn, and I made myself up and started studying and getting on track apola avlde oru sahaya message ayit vane, and then, onwards I felt like I...