Thoughts and hopes! Dream High!

I just dont know, i feel so bad..  Im crying rn.  I wish life was better. I wish i was better me.  I hate this life.  Ik its beautiful to be alive but i can't bear this, but i have to endure this...  Im a fucking 21 year old with lot of dreams and ideas about how her life should be. But rn i can't do any of it and instead im supposed to live a life what society and what my parents what of me. I'm living not for me, but for them. What i hate about this indian culture is parents are the owners of kids even tho im a adult i have little choice of my own..  First of all this career was just for the sake of society and reputation. Idk if i really like this. Rn if u give me a choice and if im confident enough.. I'd rather choose something and somewhere i love to go.. and with colleagues who love me. Instead of this toxic shits im surrounded by. 21, yet i have no liberty, im fully dependent on them for everything. Fuck this life, a individual is supposed to be resp...

Jesus,,, ofcourse i am gald, that there are people around the world who really appreciates my every single feature..  That makes me hurt, for the fact that how many in my life did i felt like shit, really just like the shit you see on the floor.. I hate hurted myself, i didn't value myself, oh god, what kind of society have i grew up in.. this place sucks..  Something i really realized is that, once i move out of here, my life will be much much better.. i really want to move out of here.  I will find happiness, fun, people who find me beautiful also.. i live my life happily and really as Anagha and not as her sad version :) I root for you girl.. i love you.. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're a doctor, you're kind.  I love you, please believe them, they didn't lie. Only my family and people around here lied . You're enough.  I love babe.i love. You're totally a sweetheart.

Things i want to remind myself : ) 1. I'm beautiful the way I'm. You don't have to be drop dead gorgeous to be happy.  An individual has more to offer than looks. You need to fucking realise that you're smart enough to be a doctor. You're rational, you're amazing!!! 2. You have plenty of opportunities infront of you, plenty of smiles yet to cherish, plenty of fun, pelnty of places you're yet gonna go, plenty of amazing people you're yet to meet.  Hold on beautiful. 3. Never forget how far you've come in life, it wasn't easy, yet you reached this far, one time you had worked tirelessly for what you have now.  4.  You're not boring, dont shrink yourself. People are good at diffrent things. Someday you will come across someone with similar wavelength. But it's a fact, you really have to put yourself out there, if you want to improve, no point in sitting your cave and crying without making any efforts. 5. Social anxiety. I am still working on...

So here's the thing, my 2nd year exams got over on August 2, i was excited as i am getting this vacation of doing nothing after a long time..  I wanted to meet new people, have conversations, since i am lonely stricken in my rl, due to a shattered college life lol..  So i posted on reddit, needafriend sub, where i posted it was not so interesting post, so not many people messaged me.. and there was this guy irrespective of how awful my post was he messaged me, it was a good convo, i didn't text him the next day, hoping that he would initiate.. Well it was cool, he did.. and finally we decided to add each other on discord.. it went smoothly... i thought he was smart, and cool. And little but serious lol..  Btw he was from Netherlands.. i wasn't bothered about his looks much. But he sounded cool..and logical. He was reader though. So in discord..he was quite adamant even though i said no several times, he wanted to do voice chat, i have severe social anxiety and i am shy so...