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What am i gaining?



I feel like im going to loss my youth for this
career. when this course  finishes i will be 25. See my entire youth the cheerful days are gone.. the 20s. Well this doesn't end, again this undergraduate course is nothing, i have to go for specialization in order to become a good doctor, it again costs 3 years. So by 29 i will be a specialist doctor,  and again requires super specialization which costs 3yrs so by 33 i will be settling in career while all other people in other fields settle and get married and have kids by that time.
well i dont think i will ever have time to live for my dreams. This is a job and not my goal. See our purpose in life is fulfilling our goals and living life to fullest. Well unfortunately my good times are losing while im trying to build a good career..
Being a shy person and i dont have much friends in college, so no good memories only reason why i go there every day is because i love my parents, so the commitments to them, and so i can't enjoy being there. Also no love life, never had a boyfriend. So everything  seems so lonely and dark.
now being in college is like a passive phase to earning for me. Nothing like a passion for the career!

While busy settling, im forgetting to live. I honestly wish i haven't taken this career. But right now i cant go back or change career since my parents dream of me so much. Also financial problems and its embarrassing when relatives ask that, they might think im incapable, when so there's no way to drop out. Only way is i have to still continue this career but honestly im weeping inside all my friends and everyone who is a engineering students or other courses finish and land at good jobs at 25. They have time and can live fruitfully with their better half. While i will be busy running for my PG coaching and stuff..
I hate life. Life is so unfair. Also being a single my entire life.. i never had a good friend or a guy to make good memories or to have some good time.

My goal in life is completely is different, of course i want a career but i see it as a means to earn inorder to fulfill my goals.. so see while im busy earning im forgetting to fullfill the goals. And once im rich enough i will be in 30s.

And see my goals in life is traveling the world, the youth and fun, and lot of different things which is completely different from career so i can't enjoy while im here.

The price im paying is my youth. I really like helping people but actually i cant forsake my life for it. I need some happiness. 😭
Im in my second year now. Clinical postings started its so hectic.. i clearly hate this life. Working like a street dog, running every corner for rounds, the medical students they potray in media is completely fake. Here im weeping inside and outside. I cant do no better.

Im losing my youth. Jesus.. my goals my bucket list.. everything was just a piece of paper no value,..

Once im old.. when i look back there will be no memories to remember, i have nothing but regrets... i getting old..
Future seems so dark😔

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