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A lifeless journey

Its a battle! battle inside my mind! demons fighting inside, judging me, I'm criticizing myself, I even don't know what I'm doing with my life! I'm judging my own existence! Do I really matter? What's the last time i ever smiled whole heartedly!
I've come across a lot of cunning people in life! They made me realize everyone is not as it seems! I would do a lot of favor for them, but these people can't even do the same for me!
A millions thoughts on mind and a racing heart! I don't know with whom should I share this or where to pens out! 
Won't they criticize? Does this even matter to them?
Literally noone really cares. 
I wish I could stare at the beautiful sky forever! I don't think any guy could ever make me happy As much as the blue sky! As much as the Music of piano! As much as laying there on a country field! As much as stargazing! As much as 5am's! As much as seeing the ocean shore!
People are transient! 
People are very unreliable! 
Even the people I thought who was mine, eventually left me. Then I realized NOBODY OWES ME!
still its hard to realise that I'm always alone. 
I wish i was that old cheerful girl forever! 
I wish i could go back to that old beautiful days, when I was a kid!
Now what gives me peace is Seclusion! Because I'm tired I can no longer keep it inside! But there's no other way!
I wish I could run away from every obligations and everything and never come and start a new life somewhere else away from all people I ever knew!
But then I realise!
I even don't have a choice! But just to continue this apparently dead journey!
It seems sort of a dead end lifeless journey!

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