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I wonder why?

I wonder why I'm a sad Adult!
I wasn't like this during my childhood, I was outgoing! I was kinda smart kid who cared about nothing but lived for her own happiness.. she was charming and smiling! She was bright! She had lot of passion within her! She believed in her dreams! 
Though there were incidents when I hid behind my mom!
Overall I was a carefree person! Now I'm trapped! Shackled inside a trap of despair and sadness! Now I wonder why did I grew up!? To feel this pain ? Maybe! 
But I wish I was that charming 10yr old me😶

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