okay, anyways i'm here penning out my random thoughts of agony...
world is so unfair, you, we were brain washed in such a way that attractive face means always attractive, not so good looking people like me are always at disadvantage, i think society and people's herd mentality is to be blamed, i never shame anyone based on looks, maybe once i did went for good looks in terms of friends or anything but not anymore, looks are completely deceiving, i had my own experience, that Russian guy, my appearnce turned him off, well i realised people's hypocrizy. they like to appear nice and kind so they appreciate even ugly people like me, but when it comes to own relationships like everyone is a hypocrie, he proved me right,
well world is a grave zone, of lot of selfish souls along with some faint souls like me, im not trying to pretend to be awesosme or nice , etc i ve my own bad habits too but deep inside ima nice person i do have hatred, envy, jelousy etc its is a common problem but i never push people down or spread hatred, i hate the so called superoity gulped some americans and stupid indian castiesm, and i agree reservation is unfair at some point esp when the well off kids take advanatge of it. but how can that justify that the lower caste people like us are still discriminated esp in terms of marriage alliances, some stupid conservative boomers, well me living in city doesnt have to face much discrimination, but fuck, the rurals still practice discrimiantion and bhramin suprremacy and stupidity of worshiping cows yuck,, ignorant sanghis, also stupid religious hatred, wtf is ur problem india is not a hindu nation, dont try to impose ur views on us, we r a declared secular nation, everyone of us have our own belifs and views if i want to be a christian i will, stop shaming all other non hindus esp by all stupid north indins
also fukcing indinas stop worshipping fair skin even i was brain washed that was, that brought my self esteem so low, but now me as a person grown up a lot, my brain widened, my views are now wide so i do not consider myself inferior because of 2 layer deep dermis also glad that i met lot of amzing educated people who appreciate for the person who i'am.
still my insecurities play a bad role, well im trying to overcome that
well this fucking world worries me, adulery, prostitutes, fakery, lust, people shaming each other for appearence, mean to each other, castestism, colorism, so on....................
i wish world was a better place.
well u know my family is soo conservative and closed minded, that irritaes me , im kinda not that closed minded like them , i was brought up in this generation so lot of liberal values influenced me helped me to come out of my shell, well im thankful for that. thou i respect my values and morals.
well sadness is not all about, stupid relationship like these days youngesters potrays, life is meaningful not just confined to a relationships or sex like these lusty youngesters postrays, there are far more important things in life
they think happiness is relationship, i fucking dont want to be in pointless relationships, i overall want to be a worthy person focussed on my goals and for a good life.
the reason of my melancholy is that
voidness in my life, honestly im not sure, maybe lack of someone i can open upto
ive friends but afterall its a fancy word, not something i really wished for, maybe they are helpful, help me with notes etc,but idk i wish for someone i can relate to or someone i can open up my heart to
well talking about marriage and settling in life, i dont know 50% change i might meet a good guy of my choice, but the chnaces are far less because lowered by my low communication skills, so idk also im not drop dead gorgeous girl guys like to be with so idk, well i want to get married by 28 if i fail to find a great soulmate by then idk i might settle for a arranged marriage,
well also the chances are slim for me, because u know indian socity is at its flaw for them fair skin is must for the bride, so dark skin girls like me are at risk, well for me only chance to climb the ladder to suceed in my career so yes i worked hard and by gods grace i m gonna be a doctor for sure that credential entirely brighten up my name
does'nt it sound great DR. Anagha
well yeah thats my climing ladder infront of all bitches who put me down once and fed on my low esteem
talking about dating and trying im not sure u know right, our culture is different no point of dating, we end up marrying the person we date so its a serious thing cant date for fun its not a casuall thing for us...
so yea likewise i said about my future plans, now im in 2nd year of mbbs, 4 more years to be a DOCTOR, well i doubt my capabilities sometimes to be sucessful, but i hope i deserve to be here thats why i reached this far, maybe i can be a good physician, maybe good sees something special in me thats why he brought me up this far in life :)
well thats enough ranting now, im lazy i want to lay my ass back to bed and rest!
i know nobody is gonna read my shitty blogs anyways for my well being im just letting go off my feelings here....
well BYE
Comments