better parents

They are nice people, but I wish they were better. Deep inside yeah I love them and thankful for everything they did for me, if it was without my parents I would have never gotten this far. Thankful to all their hardships and sacrifices for me.  But they are not the best parents, they really don't know what exactly a kid need, its not materialistic love, it's more like emotional support.   As a kid they never bothered to ask how I was feeling or all the lovely things a parent would ask their little ones. I grew up emotionally distant from them, now it's a big gap, they can never fill this anymore, that void will be always there. I never shared my problems with them and I never will.  That connection has to be established in childhood, now I can't ever be close to them, there's always that gap,  I'm shy or I don't feel like I should talk to them about my problems, they wouldn't understand.. they don't know what's a good parenting is. I'm pretty sure I can never be a good parent too. also I don't want to deal with a kid's life and his responsibilities, I can't be responsible for it, so I'm never going to have kids. I just want to live happily without worrying about another person life's who is going to imbibe all my traits and part of my personality. There's nobody I could relay on for my emotional support, my parents won't understand, my real life friends are fake as fuck. I hate my real life friends. But I just have to pretend to like them else I will have nobody else to hang out with.   So yeah due to bad emotionally unsupportive parents my adulthood is going in a really bad shape. I wish I could fix this.