Waking upto 6ams and experiencing this beautiful sky above my home is amazing. You know, life can be complex especially for a over sensitive emotional overthinker person like me... its hard, but I'm trying to sort out things and keep myself away from falling apart.. everyday.. I constantly worry a lot, I pretend to be a badass women but deep inside I know me.. I'm a nice person like a candle, who burns herself to keep everyone else warm.
this is a fragile journey for me, but the secret of life lies in our courage and bravery to overcome our own obstacles.
One of the thing that constantly worries me is how I look like and feeling of not good enough? Since the childhood i was told I'm not pretty and thereof I lost my self esteem, so as a young adult I just have a false thought of everyone perceiving me just as the worthless way I think of myself, that kind of messed up my social and college life since that hinderes me from living my life to fullest and getting involved with people. I've extreme social anxiety, I'm trying to fix it, but it's hard, no matter what I will try :) once over 35 you will realise, yourself and your worth, that's the time when you're really living as a women, you will realise looks aren't everything, it's the rational thoughts and vibes, get along with people via your thoughts and ideas and not via appearance, now you're young and immature you will repeat the mistakes every adult did. But try your best not to give in. Know thyself.
Seeing this beautiful orange dawn I'm realizing how beautiful little inexpensive things I'm missing out while im chasing the wrong things in life, well that's it is.. there's important things in life, but we people don't take time to realise and we are blind folded by certain things which is considered as the appropriate thing to find happiness in.. let says, sex, for fuck sake, it's just herd mentality, people chase to find lovers to get laid, because people are run by the herd mentality, they were told and they believe its amazing, they dont take time to understand and know other beautiful little things in life.. I guess they chase and court beautiful people to get laid in the end.. but it's a long topic to talk about. Let's keep it for another day..
Another factor is career, I'm not saying I dont like to be a doctor or so, ofcourse if at all there is any other career choice I'd still take this..? You know why.. to fit, to be labelled as successful, for knowledge too but not that because my exact happiness lies in this, I just want to be considered as better than my counter parts, yeah people are like that, its inherent attitude, we want to be better than other, other factor is relationship, they say its thats we need to find the one. I guess yea it's nice to have someone to share our feelings and exact thoughts, like a mirror buddy, but to be ideal such kind of people you hardly come across.. people are just selfish.. inshort you will not always find your expectations and dreams in a person, probably if anyone find, they are 1% and are lucky, other than that I dont find any mirror buddies in this universe... oh cool. I guess I just invented this word mirror buddy.. it means someone who is like a mirror with whom you can be yourself, like the way you go and talk to your mirror just after waking up every morning, you don't care how you look, because that person accept whatever you're.. like the way you talk to mirror you can talk to them, you got no hindrance, you have no inhibitions, it's your person.. your better half.. the mirror that helps you to see your soul better and clear out the flaws, helps you to see your inner self and worth when you look deep within..
the society and family moulded us that way we see things, they cut our inhernet wings and gave us socially accepted wings to fit in.. isn't??
well.. I love this amazing moments, capturing the beautiful soul calming moments in my memory. You see that the moments I get back to the real anagha and close to her soul, I'm really finding happiness in who I'm and enjoying the things I really love.. I think that's how life should be. Unfortunately it's not how my life is working probably 96% people out there have life messed up like this.. because of the above said winging mechanisms in our society..
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