Kids who grew up with unloving and judgemental family willl turn into Anti social persona with low self esteem, they have false assumptions about themselves and about how people will perceive and feel about them, which was imprinted in their young minds since childhood.

They are young and bewilderingly powerful but they don't realise, they shrink to feel unworthy and powerless because they are imprisoned by thoughts which tell them, " you ain't enough to be like them, you do every single thing wrong, you are too stupid to fit in? " didn't i heard all these in my childhood?

I often talk to myself about why did i become like this,

Being an anxious person, i worry too much about what others think of me. Its never a good living i know it but i am unable to change it. 

I know many things, maybe i am smart and knowledgeable than i think of myself but it often feels like i am nothing. I make myself appear dumb and stupid than what i really am.

Sometimes i wish somebody out there will find me someday. But its of no avail.

It tiring to live everyday pretending to be a character i am not. 

I just lost my authentic self somewhere along the lane as i grew up, as a 9 year i walked graciously and cherfully but 10 years later prompted by toxic childhood and awful experiences in life, i have become a character who is trying so hard to fit and to please everyone to fill the insecurities and inadequacies i feel about myself.