Brought this book a while back, while I was on the verge of Giving up, When life was all sour in my eyes, While I whirling in the bouts of Victimhood and Melancholy.
But now I am glad, my life got better since the day I started changing my perception about myself and how i view the world. It's always true that the **best thing to start with is your own self image.**
Wounds are meant to be healed, I am slowly working on what it is, it's not a easy job to do a Quantum leap or to do a complete mindset reset.
It is difficult to stick on to the words, because you already have Auto pilot behavioral habits and convictions which you have been practicing for your whole life. but definitely reading made me more self aware and I had changed the way how I was, I learned how to speak to myself without being judgmental and how I respond to the situations.
Still there can be days when I feel down. But I try not to sink in that sorrow too long till I feel drowned and upsetting, because i have realised that all these feelings, emotions can be sorted out if you come to understand yourself.
So the Book is totally insightful and an eye opener, wish I had read this earlier in my life. It taught me how to save myself from my traumas and how to parent myself. With each page-turning i discovered answer to the important questions to which I always wanted answers for.
In the book, Nathaniel Daniel gives so much reasons to ponder about one's own life, It really forced me to rethink about my life and i am realizing, many assumptions i had was really just wrong.
I feel that if I had known how to live better I wouldn't have fallen into all those bunch of blunders I ever did in my life or the things i cried over, now looking back it feels like how narrow minded I was, to not to think beyond my constricted beliefs.
The Author was a veteran in the field of psychology, so he knows what he is talking about, so i believe what he wrote is nothing but the Truth.
I am not sure whether everyone will like this book, but if You are into psychology, curious about the aspect of “SELF”, and like to introspect yourself, then surely this is the book for you..
This Book just taught me that “ The true happiness comes from nobody else but us. It's not even deep inside, we just buried it with our so called problems and our misleading expectations.”
So here is few highlights from the book I found useful.
1.) **Living consciously**
Living consciously is about taking control of your life, about thinking about your decisions rather than making them without thought, about having a life that we want rather than settling for the one that befalls us.
A concern to be aware of the values that moves as well as guides me , so that i am not ruled by values i have irrationally adopted or uncritically accepted from others.
Living consciously make me realize, that i don't have to be right always, all of us make mistakes sometimes, but if we tie our self esteem to being always right, or if we become overattached to our own positions, we are obliged to shrink our consciousness in misguided self protection.
Living consciously entails our desire to understand ourselves fully. Obviously a person of limited rationality will have very less concern over his thoughts, purposes and goals in life.
Being aware of what excites you and drains you, noticing whether the voice inside my head is truly my own or belongs to someone else perhaps my mother's influence and not my choices and likes.
Being receptive to new knowledge and willing to accept and re-examine old assumptions. We are definitely not operating at a high level of consciousness if we are absorbed totally by what we believes to be true and are closed to new information that might bear on our idea and convictions.
Being concerned to distinguish among facts, interpretation and emotions. When i see my friend frowning I interpret this to mean she is angry with me, i feel hurt, defensive or wronged, but there can be many reasons behind, we often end up to conclusions and like to put ourselves in the victim's position.
It can apply to any circumstances, let's say, my friend said she is not interested in coming to a party with me, but i assumed that she doesn't like my company maybe that's why, here i tend to treat my feelings about her as the voice of reality, its more about what my mind makes up of it, it maybe rational or irrational. whereas in reality, she might be struck with some other problem. So to live consciously i need to be sensitive to the distinguish between the actual fact and what i interpret of it.
>To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values and goals.
Being aware of what you're supposed to do - Being not able to present in the moment, that is when you are distracted by random thoughts while doing something else important, its because implicitly we choose to be at elsewhere at that moment instead of making a conscious effort to present and focus on the purpose you are doing.
>***Since i am responsible for my own existence and happiness, i choose to be conscious and to be guided by the clearest understanding of what i am capable of. I do not indulge in the fantasy that someone else can spare me the necessity of thought.***
Being concerned to know where i am relative to my goals and commitments.
Being concerned to know if my actions are in alignment with my goals.
To learn how to distinguish one's own true voice from all others, to tolerate one's life as a autonomous human being.
2.) **Self Acceptance**
It is our willingness to accept our body, actions and thoughts as our own and not be ashamed of it. It is to make real to ourselves without denial or evasion of what we think, feel, desire, what we have done and what we are.
Accepting what is true is true, if i refuse to accept that i often live passively, how will i learn to live more actively?
Self acceptance entails the idea that if i had done something i regret or which i am ashamed of, it doesn't deny reality but inquires into the context in which, why that action was taken. It wants to understand the why. It wants to know why something that is wrong or inappropriate felt desirable or even necessary at that time. We need to understand the internal considerations that prompted that behavior. We have hug ourselves and be compassionate to oneself, it reduces the likelihood of it reoccurring.
Accepting our body image necessarily doesn't mean we cannot imagine or wish for improvements. Without denial or avoidance, accepting that the face and body in the mirror are yours and they are what they are. You have to be acceptable of your facts and flaws so that people can't provoke insecurity, rage and humiliation by their criticism.
It’s pretty difficult to take full advantage of the abundance of opportunities available to us if we don’t feel capable or worthy. So self acceptance is important.
**3.)** **Self Responsibility**
It is the ability to exercise a sense of control over my existence. The willingness to take responsibility of my actions and attainment of my goals.
>Nobody owes me fulfillment of my wishes.
For any professed desire to be taken seriously, we should be able to answer, what am i willing to do to get what i want?
Realizing the fact that i am responsible for how i prioritize my time, how i dispose my time and energy and on what reflects my professed values.
If i choose to blame my parents and colleagues for my unhappiness, it shows that how much i like to put myself as a victim instead of taking responsibility and act in new way to Reorganize my life.
>No one is coming to save you, No one is coming to make life right for you, No one is coming to solve your problems. If You don't do something about it, nothing is going to be better.
**4.) Self assertiveness**
It is the willingness to stand up for yourself, to be who you are openly, to treat yourself with respect in all aspects.
Often we surrender ourselves to be lower than what actually we are or a fear to express our opinions to avoid confrontation with someone whose values differ from ours or to please them or perhaps to fit in.
When we are self assertive we realise the fact that we have the right to have our own opinions, have the right to exist and form convictions.
Being assertive is to stay your Authentic Self, you can ignore an tasteless joke, you can state your opinion with all assertion even if they find it irrelevant, you can politely ignore someone if they had did you wrong.
Realizing the fact that your life belongs to you and you are here on earth not to live upto someone's expectations of you. Parents definitely have a good impact on our life, they are important people, but that doesn't deny the fact that you don't have to agree/accept with everything they want you to be. You're an individual with whole lot of perspectives and ideas about how your life should be.
We are often taught that what you want is not important, but what's important is what other's want, and certainly if we try to go off track from this, people start to accuse us for being selfish. But as a individual, we need to honour our needs and necessities in the first place.
**5.)** **Living Purposefully**
Living Purposefully is to use our powers for the attainment of goals we have selected. It is our goals that lead us forward.
If you want it to work, you must make it your conscious purpose and should work for it.
Productivity and purpose is synchronous, productivity is the act of supporting our existence by translating our thoughts into reality of setting our goals and working for their achievements.
>**It is not the achievement that prove our worth, but rather the process of achieving is the means by which we develop effectiveness.**
Self discipline requires the ability to defer immediate gratification in the service of remote goal.
**6.) Personal integrity**
It is the moral conviction about what is and is not appropriate, the judgment about right and wrong.
When we behave in ways that conflict our judgment of what is appropriate we lose face in our own eyes. When i act against my professed values, i betray my mind.
My ego, “I" at the centre of my consciousness is the judge from whom there is no escape.
These are the six crucial factors in the development of an individual's self esteem. What people think, what they believe, what they tell themselves, influences what they feel and what they do. In turn they experience what they feel and do as having meaning for who they are.
Few key points.
• No one is here on earth to live upto my expectations.
• If people treat me discourtesly, it is a reflection of them, not on me.
• There are convictions in our mind which we are not even fully conscious of, they maybe be so implicit in our mind that we hardly recognise them at all. Yet they clearly lie behind our actions.
• No individual or group has the power to determine how i will feel and think about myself.
• It is not what they think, it is what i know is more important to me than a mistaken belief in someone else's mind.
• I accept the reality of my problems but i am not defined by them. My problems are not essence. My fear, pain, confusion or mistakes are not my core.
• I accept that no one is coming to make my life right, save me or redeem my childhood, or rescue me from the consequences of my choices and actions.
• Human beings end in themselves. An individual human being neither belongs to a community nor church nor society. A human being is not a property. All adult human associations are chosen voluntarily.
This is mostly about first part of the book, haven't included second part about external influences, then this answer will be even longer that's not nice so ending here.. 😃💛👍
Also i just want to say, i am not sure, whether when you read this answer you got the same power or insightfulness as much as i got while i read the book. It took me a while to compile this huge text, nevertheless i hope i was able to share something you don't know or maybe you know but became more cognizant now. 😇
Something Useful I found in the Internet: Wake Up: A Guide to Living Your Life Consciously - zen habits (https://zenhabits.net/wake-up-a-guide-to-living-your-life-consciously/)
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