Hey, this is Anagha from 2021, September 21.
Things i appreciate about this lovely girl.
An year back, it was a lot different.. i struggled every single day with feelings of worthless and mild depression or could say i was depressed.
Over an year, things has changed, not drastically, but little by little, year by year, this will improve even better in future, but i have to hang on and keep trying.
Since last year i had brought a lot of books, probably around 30, specifically self help books, they had helped me a lot to provide a better insight and perspective. And it helped me to realise where i was wrong, ofcourse its a long process I'm not fully evolved, but i can definitely feel better i am not who i was an year back. This is not a random statement but i really adore my improvement.
The person who i am, i am trying to add worthfulless and meaning to who i am every single day, because years back i started to lose my authentic self, now i am slowly trying to pick my shattered pieces and put it together
Inner girl, she is just scarred, she is scared, all she can do is, she whispers her ideas and thoughts to my fake exterior version in a mildly low tone. And the exterior it was created as a coverup to face the society, she wear the mask of eloquence, niceness and humility so as to get accepted in this society.
Its what people in my life generally know of me...
Interior_venacava.. i remember this reddit account, where i posted my pic once and i received huge amount of appreciation it made me sad and happy at the same time about how much people appreciated me and how much i failed to realise my worth.
I never realised how pretty and brilliant my eyes are untill people there started to appreciate me..
It was a wonderful to experience to know how much people around the world found attractive in me which i always thought was not good enough because i was made to feel so all my life.. due to the social construct and what i faced as a child.
I just deleted that account, it was sad but i just have to do it. I shouldn't be sad because its for good. I cant obsesse over something virtual and people i can't meet in real life. Among them i miss my voice call stranger, rindert. I loved him. But its sad i have to forget. And i can't go back and ask him to take me back. it will be like a big disrespect towards myself, but i really misss fucking miss him so much.. i dont think he realise how much i loved his voice. Its the first time i ever loved a voice as much as his..
Anyways when you're in love, you see the positivez only so i have to remind myself about his bad parts too so that atleast it will calm me down about how much i miss him..
Also wyatt, he was a good guy too, his dog, cattle, so on.. we had pretty good conversations too. I miss him too.
And all the strangers who were nice to me.
Anyways life has to go on. Just life. I'm here trying to live life, in this corner of the earth...
I have this daily commitments to do, obligations to fulfill so so.
And i have my parents who love me unconditionally for them i have to endure and keep doing this.
I don't think all those superficial friendships matter as much as it seems to be.
Ofcourse when I'm in trouble or need a help my friends will be there. So i do appreciate quite a few genuine friends i have and my loving family who love me unconditionally.
I am slowly trying to build my social skills and my self worth so that i can love who I'm. I accept who i am.
I love who i am.
Its okay to be me, my flaws, my thoughts ideas and my quirks make me who i am.
I am trying to be my better self.
Just dont obsess about future. :)
It will be fine.
You will catch your dreams. Even though, you don't appreciate yourself enough, you're beautiful, smart, hardworking and you have an amazing personality. Even though you have anger issues and distorted beliefs sometimes you are actually a great person.
It's okay babe.
Soon, you'll find your dreams.. life isn't gonna be perfect but it'll be okay, it'll be okay.
Just attaching few pictures of my beautiful baby. Here's it..
I adore her introspective thinking.
Her kindness.
Her humility.
The way she loves to know more and acquire more knowledge and rationality ☺
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