Hey there kutta!!
We had an amazing day today. You were so smartie pants today. We did smartly studied hematology also some part of general pathology. Amazing I'm superb proud that how your brain grasped that without a problem
All thanks to God :) cuz last week day, i was actually struggling and who's greater than lord nobody. He saw me crying in sofa, literally with that wrenching heart, he saw me and the very next day was my inicet exam, honestly I wasn't that prepared, and was walking with poor self esteem since I was feeling so anxious about how my preparation wasn't upto mark and stuff, but exam went smoothly, it really built my confidence, plus I wasn't weak as I thought, that were all familiar questions, not just that I was doing better than i thought of myself, even tho I might not have scored the best, but honestly i felt glad, to relaise that i wasn't doing bad prep per se
Every struggle, each hour, each min I worked really mattered, and it didn't go all in vain :)
Well, also god planned it so beautifully that, I met my bestie, haha, well we were kinda best male female friends, for like an year in my internship, we had so many beautiful conversations. Literally like 8hrs over phone somedays, He just did knew me for who I'm. He did knew my struggling phase.
I don't know where our friendship stands now.
But i cherish all good memories we had.
Well last September I was going through that pessimism and depression, he was a cause too, so I was trying to cut contacts with all people including him..
So I told him not to message me untill exam finishes.
So for the past almost 8 months we never contacted, actually it was for the best. I needed that break from everybody.
And but yeah I did think about him and cherished memories we had once in a while, but honestly never thought I'll see him on inicet ( which is an centralised exam) day lol
So on that inciet day at the center, it was some random Co incidence lol. Fuck really wtf haha.
Like God literally played the cards. Cuz I prayed prayed, that my mental is fragile I can't afford to see other people whose interaction might ruin rest of my preparation for next exam. And lol, god literally didn't put anyone else who i didn't want to see.
Seeing him was fine, infact it lifted up my mood and feeling good about myself, good to know that we don't hold any grudges to each other because in September we ended in some bad terms.
Honestly I have no romantic feelings for him. It's long past, and we got over it, we both realised we aren't good for each other as partners, I mean we have talked about it, and we are from different religions and so many differences, I don't see him as my life partner at all, not at all romantically, but we just like each other's company. I like that he's funny, he makes fun of me in a good way. I like that. I like that he's smart, fun, talks a lot, etc.
I just hope i meet someone like him in the future.
Well I'm 25 years old and very long past, to be that girl in love phase. That's stupidity and I'm too old enough to realise what's reality and what's good for me. We aren't. And not stupid to romanticise it and waste my time. We haven't even talked after that.
But yeah it feels nice tho, to realise world isn't full of shitty people but also good people and felt good about my self that day.. I was being the extrovert I wanted to be. I didn't held myself back. Feeling happy that finally i did found few gem people in my life. Most importantly how I feel about myself, i finally found her back after 6 years of losing myself to do many craps. I love it. I love her.
just like the song, I'm dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower." - for reference, Jessy D, the song " shower "
Well, I love how it felt that day and post that day, sequence of events, seeing him, not having to meet any toxic people that day which I was scared of, also there was this girl who recognised me lol, I had poor self esteem lately, since I was preparing for the exam since almost an year from home, been through so much, so yeah out of random this girl who came to me and asked you're from this certain college isn't etc and was too friendly. I felt so happy tbh. Also my beautiful parents who drove me to there and waited for me. Not gonna take that for granted.
For everything I've been through, I've been blessed as well :)
thank you!
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