Hey there franzie 😂
Well yeah i thought of that name for you, it's kinda cute.
So yeah actually same, things gotten better for me as well, there was a me in April, may times before some bad things started to come back in life in early june,
so I started to be again that april me, I started to stop for a while and look at the sky and say, "hey there, thank you", I started to talk again to my plants or the birds flying by for variety of reasons 😂. Be it apologising to my plants for not watering them the other day or even talking to myself in the mirror for being awesome..
I mean it's all these silly things that matter, never the big things, big things do matter but it's always tiny tiny cumulative effect that happens everyday,
for that 100% we all need, the 1% happens every single day which people often overlook and just look at the big things.
That one percentage also includes being nice to ourselves and enjoy ourselves. After all that's the point of life right!
I swear buddy, it wasn't the same an year back, i struggled to get to leave behind so many baggages and hurt people have caused me.
Hurt doesn't mean relationships, I feel that word is overrated. People especially people in early 20s, think breakups are the worst and only saddness in the world😂, but truly I feel People go behind relationships and think it's the biggest thing in the word because they can't really be around themselves and need another person's validation to feel good about themselves. Infact those kinds of people need to find themselves they don't really know that. Which is what they are missing out. ( Not saying relationships are bad, it's absolutely great to find someone who's actually nice and there are absolutely nice people around, but just for sake of relationship or just because you're lonely is the worst)
Infact I was in the same place a year or two back, desperately wanting to be loved, therefore I had so many mishap things to me.
Well,
All she needed was to get in touch with her inner child. I just needed to be left alone to find myself back.
The new me i mean the me now, she was the me always, just like that 5 yr old girl child me, she was always insidee me, just that she was just lost/ scared/ hiding inside when she faced so many bad things..
I feel like she was just like me, she took her plastic dog for a walk and talked to the plants, I feel like I got her back and that's the most beautiful thing we can get in life :)
And for very long time I was very angry/ was a push over/ and worried about so many things, i didn't knew why, but now only i know, because I didn't knew how to do things differently, like didn't knew how to manage my emotions or how to take in things in calm manner. Or even be just cool about it. I was never taught that tbh. I was just a stubborn child who was just trying to fit in but didn't knew what is she doing at all.
Infact people around me were just bad at shaping me while growing up, they were very critical and hurtful tbh. I guess it's generational trauma, they themselves didn't knew their own self.
My parents are great now, but doesn't mean it was same the always , while I growing up, they didn't care much, i don't even remember where they spent time with me to talk about my day or anything. Anyway that's okay.
I got her. Honestly i think i ended up being so cool now :)
It's not like getting rid of you got things better, not at all, you only helped me to get back from bad things I was going through, so i truly appreciate those times we had. I see those days thinking about you or talking to you then, as a source of energy that helped me to forget about other bad things that have happened in June. I don't really regret hours I've talked to you, because it only helped me to see myself more clearer.
And yeah, you were like a ☘️ plant that helped me see myself more. Sorry for comparing to a plant lol😂.
Btw that's all about it, I felt like just sharing 😂. So I'm getting my new number today, I'm excited. I felt like i needed to get rid of my old number because like I've shed layers of past me and everything, but those people do come back every now and then, despite I clearly said i don't want them to be in my life anymore, and its actually traumatising to even interact with them.,.
Not because they are bad people per se, but I've bad memories attached with them and them is synonymous to my past self so I need to get rid of it. That ain't me.
After all,
There's no need, neither do I need them or do they need me.
So this is the best thing I could do to my self..I deserve a new life :) it's all mine, just needed some reshaping.
So my stuyding is going all fine. I also study with that friend for like 2 hrs everyday. She's nice person so it doesn't feel much heavy to talk to her unlike other people I've cut off.
I'm actually looking forward to that exam in November tbh, currently exam, I'd have to work in a hospital probably like i used to.
So I don't wanna put myself through that.
November exam is called INICET, it's for central institutes and they are more academic focussed and I feel like I'll end up a good doctor if I'm there. So just doing my best for that. :)
What else, last two days were great.i didn't spend much time on YouTube, but I don't know what I was doing but I was happier, and occupied,
Also reading - which i haven't done in a past few weeks , like other books, started atomic habits again, it's a good book, they teach so many valuable things. Everyday i try to read atleast a few pages.
Ngl books taught me so many things which i really didn't know before like self help books are the reason for many things I know now.. I've been reading mindset, how to manage your emotions, power of now, these were all beautiful books.
Do you read?
Also do you know how to whistle? 😆 I've been learning how to whistle. It's so cool,.
Well guys are born gifted, they usually can whistle.
Every now and then i try like when I'm listening to a song I try to whistle 😂 usually it's not upto mark. But yeah practice makes a man perfect.
Also regarding that food, it looks so delicious. Looks like you're a better cook than me.
I don't really like to cook 😆. I'm really really lazy for that, infact too lazy to eat my own food too, usually my dad keep all.ready on the dining table or else he know I'll be procrastinating to eat.
And You're right 😂 it's good that you didn't reply straight away, otherwise what's the difference between here and reddit.
I usually see this earlier too, but i try to reply after a while, but I do write in my notes and keep it and keep adding every now and then and finally I sent it lol. So it's meaningful and less time consuming.
Plus it's thoughts from different times of the day, than that single time of sending.
What else, did i forgot to say something? Let me think..
Oh also i reconnected with one old song lol, I used to listen while growing up like when I was a teen, I forgot that for a long time.. now all of sudden Spotify recommended me.. so while I take a break I usually listen to that . It's quite refreshing.
And I got recommended to that only because Spotify expired 😆 when I had premium, even if I keep shuffle mode they literally keep bringing the 20 songs I've in the top, the latest ones I added despite having 900 songs in my playlist lol.. they think I just want to hear I just added recently lol
😂 So stupid.
And now it's expired. And i thought I'll maybe pay tomorrow and all of a sudden songs down the playlist is being played 😂😆. And I'm glad i got them back. So not gonna get premium soon. I can bear with 30 sec advertisement every now and then it's better than getting the same songs over again and again.
How did your day at mom go?
Moon wasn't that great lol😂 I had much expectations about it, unfortunately it was cloudy here..
And yeah I figured you could just look at the sky there lol.😆 I'll add the pic anyway.
Btw 3d printer, what's the raw material/ source for building that?
Also your kitchen looks so tidy! I think you're a minimalist you don't keep things on the kitchen counter top. I'm the opposite 😂 I do keep things I mean I need things to look colourful, my dresser has a lot of stuff. I'll add a picture. So there it is.
I guess I wrote so much! So that's it, things happened in last 48hrs I guess 😆.
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