I know that day I hurt you so much. Two days of July, I wish I could take it back.. I'm so sorry. It hurts to see you looking like this. I mean just please open up about what's hurting you.
I know a broken mirror and hurtful words, we can never take it back, I did say that, but I did apologise, why can't you please let it go . I think i understand how painful it is someone for whom you were tirelessly working for, days really hurtful things.
Can please stop showing this stubborn side and please open up like you did sometimes.
But I get it, you were so hurt that now you are hiding the hurt and don't want to be vulnerable anymore. Just a self defense mechanism. But it truly hurts to see you like this. I wish instead of writing all this in reddit, I wish I could just say this to your face, I wish you soften up a bit.
I mean you did tried , but back then a few months back, I was very much in my own struggles tho I cared about you, i really wasn't able to be soft and show my vulnerable side too, because we didn't see that while growing up, all I saw was the dysfunctional family and i couldn't really show my vulnerable side. It was my self defense mechanism as well. But over the last six months, I've grown up a lot, like really. Now I'm more pateint and positive and trying to be more nicer, but there are often times when I'm in your vicinity i often am harsh. I'm really sorry. I really am.
I miss when you were strong and happy.
Just remembered a few years back we went to pothys and got that juice and stuff. Back then how different it was. I mean still my dad and mom were arguing type dysfunctional atleast i never talked back to my dad.. atleast i didn't. Rather was a obedient kid. When did I grew up so
Now I grew up into a brat. Didn't mean to. But honestly unconsciously we just take it in what we see around.. No way to justify my actions atleast i see the root causes and working on it.
It's been always like this,
But we were a normal happy family for a while..now I don't know it just hurts to see him like this. Please fucking be okay.
I can't afford losing you. I really can't.
I know it's really hard expressing the love, I really wish I could tell you how grateful I'm for everything you ever did for me.,
I know how you might be feeling, that am i being a burden to them or do they dislike me in my low health moments because I'm weak and old? .
We really don't. But sometimes yes, you do annoy me.
I really wish I could tell you, how grateful I'm for how you were there for me in that flood day, when the power was lost for the entire city, we had to be in darkness for whole night and evening, you went to buy snacks for me, because you fucking cares about me.
I remember that day, when me and you, went to sabu chetans party, just us, we didn't even talk much, but just being around each other was soothing, since we don't even talk just subtle actions were the way of showing love.
I am lucky to have you dad. I got to meet all of them only because of you, sadly the tons of times how I took you for granted. How ungrateful was i..
I miss the times when my dad and mom were close, them giggling and being happy.
I could see through my eyes the day when you sent me the money to pay for my exam i remember you laying there on the sofa, i fondly remember you and I told myself I'm saving this to my core memory, I love you.
The day, when that lizard was stuck in my window and I was really worried about it, I didn't had anyone else at that 2 am but you. How selfless a dad can be.
In the start of this year, i remember, you, and me, we went to drop her off and on the way back, we had conversations and that drop by the restaurant and tiny tiny talks. I do miss it. While making it, never realised we were making memories I'll cherish so much.
Or over that day you took us to that lakeside, i don't know why my mom turned so delusional and less concerned about my dad at all. But I do care about his emotions and feelings, even tho i had said hurtful things, please forgive me.
My mother, she don't even know him or his soft side, yet she's always judging him for whatever happened in the past. So unhealed. Delusionally religious yet holding the gruges and things that happened in the past, i wonder what does her religion is even teaching if she can't forgive it yet and bringing it up in every fricking argument.
It just hurts to see my sad like this.
Dad, i remember the day, when
Comments